Model Ordiance

I truly believe that the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has a sense of humor. Not a bear riding a unicycle kind of humor, but more of a crazy man chasing after you with a butcher knife sense of crazy humor.

The Town of Queen Creek is currently assessing Chapter 16 of their wastewater ordinance for updates. They have conducted a study to assess local limits of everyday contaminants (i.e. copper, BOD5, FOG, etc.) to which they extended me the opportunity to update the new numbers into the local limits. It was actually very informative, though town ordinance is quite a dry read, it was interesting enough to see how the process actually works.

However, you may ask what this has to do with the EPA. Well, my dear little friends, let me tell you the ironic, sick, twisted humor of this organization summed up into two seemingly innocent words: 'Model Ordinance'. Individuals within Public Works asked me to view this 'model ordinance' set forth by the EPA; ideally, the Town of Queen Creek would like me to work on transferring information from our pretreatment plans to the model ordinance set forth by the EPA. So, I began the task of transferring information from the Town ordinance into the body of information set forth in this model ordinance.

Let me be the first to say that the EPA should be awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine, because they have found a cure for insomnia. Within my studies in the MPA program I've learned how confusing, difficult, and frustrating it can be to work within the complex, cold, and inhuman networks of bureaucracies, but nothing can prepare you for 62-pages of absolute drudgery! I have a theory on why Al-Qaeda hates America so much: they were randomly paroosing the Internet and happened to come along the EPA.gov website. They searched around and stumbled upon the 'model pretreatment ordinance' and began to read. About four pages into the document, they then declared jihad against America for composing such a vague, boring, and utterly annoying piece of literature.

I continued on with my task, regardless of wanting to smash my head against a wall numerous times. The overall task of inputting essential information about Queen Creek into this document took far too long, and the task is not even close to completion. Yet, I have done all I can do. Now, I pass on this cursed piece of literature to the Town's legal department where it can inflict upon them the same horrors and nightmares pronounced upon me for the past two weeks.

Behold, if you dare!

http://yosemite.epa.gov/water/owrccatalog.nsf/065ca07e299b464685256ce50075c11a/309cb85244d2d1e585257284005e1f3f!OpenDocument